Monday, July 27

He Invited Himself Over...

So the question remained:
Do I protect Blazbloo from an oblivious user, or do I prevent the advent of another Ice Carz spammer?
The answer was obvious.

Taking into consideration that this single unit has a large alliance pool, even if I had kept Blazbloo away from his potentially tainting the game with his noobility, he would surely one day come across it by other means.

So I thought, while I'm at it, I may as well prevent another Ice Carz collision.

For his first match, I allowed him any character of his choosing. I was hoping he would go for anyone but Ice Carz--which he did. He chose the other end of the spectrum; a hat boy. I instantly made a it a point that the hat boy was in fact a failure hose. After raeping hat boy with long sworded mask men, I told him to choose either Ice Carz or Inferno Divider. This was where I'd plant my C4.

He chose Inferno Divider, and so I chose hat boy claiming I'd go "all out" on him. I also told him I was experienced with the game. I allowed him to destroy me in two rounds, but not before dealing around 2,000 damage per round. This and the fact that I was now "experienced" was to further solidify the fact that hat boy was indeed suck. And because I was "experienced" and lost to his first time with Inferno Divider, everyone else who I mentioned was suck had to suck as well. This way, he wouldn't bother with any of them.

After the match, he was quick to tell me "this game is better than Street Fighter Four!" and "Wow! This guy's so good! I'm already winning on my first try!" (Inferno Divider, that is.)
Now I directed him toward Ice Carz. At this point, he was starting to understand that this game uses wave motions. "Just like Street Fighter". Yeah. I chose the poison bee mucus blob creature and allowed him another two wins. However, this was actually a mistake on my part. After that match, "Wow! This guy's even better than the last guy! I'm gonna use him as my main character!"

Gawd. I felt like I needed to start the process over. So I proceeded to Bang. I directed him toward Optic Barrel with a, "Try her. She's pretty good too." I allowed him both wins. During the match, however, I must've shouted multiple times, "Just hit the X button, then press any other combination of buttons." He didn't seem to understand. But after the match, he once again told me she was "really good. But not as good as him. It seems like you can always win with him since he has everything, and he's really fast and can freeze people." Of course.

It was time to destory his love for Ice Carz. I directed my cursor toward Taggar as he directed his toward the Carz with a "He's too good. I gotta choose him again." I gave him a round and f+C into Falling Sky'd him a few times. I took the match. "Aw. Okay, I'll try this guy again." This time, he chose Inferno Divider. I gave him a round, pounded him into magnetizimemsnedrsssaelol and then allowed him to take the match with around 2,000 HP remaining. "That was close." He then tried Optic Barrel again against the Taggar and lost 2-1. He then asked, "Who is your main character?" I responded I didn't know, "though I'm pretty good with [Inferno Divider] and maybe [Taggar]." He told me it seemed like Taggar was my best. Of course, nevermind the fact that their names are mounted in a 32 font size on the screen. They're all "that guy" to him.

So I allowed him to continue winning matches with Inferno Divider. Always 2-1. With Optic Barrel and Ice Carz, I took the wins. Eventualy, this led to a "Man, this guy's not good anymore. I'd rather use this guy cause he looks good when he's fighting. This guy just keeps shooting swords and going really fast--he seems boring now compared to this guy." I nearly completed my initial task. All that was left was to play as Ice Carz. Losing with Ice Carz would allow his inferiority to Inferno Divider to be set in stone. During the match, I held myself back from roll recovering, which allowed him infinite QCB+B and QCF+C juggles. "Man, I don't know why I thought he was so good. This guy is even better! I even got out the special when I wanted it! If I buy this game, I'm gonna play it at least for an hour a day with this guy."

And there it is. I am the hero of justice.

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